were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
