those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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