I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
