I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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