I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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