So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
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I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
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I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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