hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize