so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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