It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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