He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
