plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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