so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize