You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.