Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.