Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
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Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize