Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I need water and some morals
Randomize
