aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
