dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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