If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
