Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
