Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My balls are so social today.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
