Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
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he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
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I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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