you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
