i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
