Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
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I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
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I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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