Betty ford says i'm here all night
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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