Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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