my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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