I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
try to milk me bitch
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
