It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
