Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have feelings that need drinking.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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