Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
