Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Barsexuality is the new black.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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