A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
