I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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