I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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