I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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