The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
