Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
