K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
why do cheetos always look like penises
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
