first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
