if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I fill condoms, not promises.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
