Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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