Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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