We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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