I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
