I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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