If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
