i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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