I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
