remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
