I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
