It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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