I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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