His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
