my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
