I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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