Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
