sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
