oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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