i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
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Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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