Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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