cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
