I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
