Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
