I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I showed him my bush... on skype.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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